We may not admit it, but all of us want to be right in arguments and disagreements. Some of us are more adamant about being right than others, but we all want a win for our side of things. We might even be willing to go to great lengths to prove that we’re right and the other person is wrong. When it looks like we’re not winning, things can go wrong really quickly. Without the skills and willingness to deescalate, a disagreement can turn into hateful and mean words that are said out of anger. This can irrevocably harm the relationship, and that’s not what our Heavenly Father wants. He knows that we have the tendency to end up in this place, and He wants us to realize that we can avoid it. We can soften hearts by choosing kindness instead of anger and strife.
Our failure to visualize what’s actually happening to us and our relationships during conflict can cancel our chances for healthy and Godly resolution. It’s important for us to know that we don’t have to keep pressing and pushing to try to make a point. Proverbs 15:1(NLT) tells us, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” A Godly strategy is revealed in this truth. A soft answer is an answer that is truthful but not unkind, condemning, or accusatory. It’s one that allows us to exercise faith that God will intervene and right any wrong in His perfect timing.
2Timothy 2:23-25 (NLT) says, “23 Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. 24 A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. 25 Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth.” The ability to do as this passage instructs comes from a heart that is softened with kindness. People who practice kindness behave that way not to receive accolades and praise; they know that it is God’s standard and therefore, it is the right way to behave. They are also aware that kindness begets kindness. They want to be treated kindly and this is what they’re committed to putting out there. They’ve made this Godly quality a lifestyle.
The Apostle Paul said in 2Corinthians 6:1, 6(NLT), “1 As God’s partners, we beg you not to accept this marvelous gift of God’s kindness and then ignore it. 6 We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love.” The kindness that God has bestowed upon us is too wonderful for mere words. He has given us the life of His only begotten Son as a sacrifice for our sins. Through Christ, He has redeemed and reconciled us back to Himself, and Ephesians 1:3 tells us that He has blessed us with every spiritual blessing because of our union with Christ. This is kindness beyond what any of us could have ever imagined, and we have the great privilege and responsibility to put God’s kindness on full display.
Kindness is one of the ways we prove ourselves as God’s children of light. Like patience, grace, generosity, and gentleness, kindness is an outward demonstration of our inward excellence of character. It is also important for us to know that sometimes our show of kindness doesn’t readily connect with others, even when we remain calm and humble. They might not recognize the loving space we’re trying to create, and they may not reciprocate our kindness. Persisting in getting a point across and being right can drive us to very negative places and having to deal with a person that is refusing to offer you anything of value can be exhausting. However, this should never be an excuse to acquiesce to negativity or anger and give up our stand on God’s Word.
God commands us in Ephesians 4:31-32(NLT), “31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Poor decisions and choices about handling disagreements can be very harmful to any relationship. As easily as we can make a choice to be upset, we can make a choice to be kind.
We must keep in the forefront of our minds that what matters most to our Heavenly Father is how many lives we’ve impacted and influenced with His brand of love and kindness. We must also realize that being kind isn’t being weak. God doesn’t want us to be anyone’s doormat. So, kindness isn’t being insecure or timid, it’s the practice of being warmhearted, considerate, thoughtful, sympathetic, and understanding. We do this because God has told us to imitate His loving kindness, and we must have faith that He will always back us when we’re obedient to handle disagreements in this way.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Handling Disagreements with Kindness”, written for Springfield Fellowship © 2023. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.