The one piece of knowledge that anyone seeking marriage should know is the degree to which darkness can be operating in the person they might choose. Yes, I know, this isn’t the optimism people want to hear. They want to go wherever their heart leads them, but God’s wisdom teaches us that the heart can lead us down the path of serious trouble. We need to know the truth because Jesus Christ tells us in John 8:32 that only the truth can set us free. We will not be free by believing a lie.

God tells us in Hosea 4:6 that His people are destroyed because they lack knowledge about Him and His Word. Well, God doesn’t want this for us. He doesn’t want us to be defeated, downtrodden, or destroyed. John 10:10 tells us that He sent His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to the earth to make a more than abundant life available to every person. 1Timothy 2:4(NLT) tells us that God wants “everyone to be saved and to understand the truth.” When we know His truth, we can make decisions in life that take us higher and further than we could ever imagine.

Many women have forfeited the gift of a wonderful marriage because of impatience. They have not sought the Lord diligently as He commands in the area of dating and marriage, but rather, they’ve taken matters into their own hands. It’s natural to have a desire for marriage, and to want a loving spouse that will reciprocate the level of love and devotion that we have to give. We must be clear that God is the One that has given us this desire. Philippians 2:13(NLT) says, “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.”  Again, HE gives us the desire AND the power to do this His way, so we should never try to get ahead of God. We should never allow our desire for a spouse to compromise our commitment and stand on God’s Word.

I’m sure you’ve heard it said that the devil is busy. If you’re spiritual eyes are opened, then you know this to be true. The reality is that most are blind to the devil’s tricks and plots. They might believe in God, but they can’t bring themselves to believe in the devil because doing so brings justice, judgment, unrighteousness, and consequences of sin into the equation. The truth in God’s Word makes it clear that the devil is busy. As His children of light that are seeking marriage, we must make ourselves knowledgeable of the extent to which people that we might like can be influenced by demonic spirits and come against us with all manner of darkness.

For years, many women have submitted themselves to God in prayer and service, and many men have left them to it. These men have not felt an obligation to humble themselves before God, and do not conduct themselves according to the example of Christ. It’s no secret that you can meet a man that is as fine and handsome as all get out, but internally he’s as dark as night. We need to beware.

It would be absolutely wonderful if this wasn’t the case, but there are many communities in which there are more dedicated women of God than there are men. In dating, often the brunt of spiritual responsibility and the wisdom to maintain Godliness in a relationship falls to the woman. This is simply because she’s the one that is more knowledgeable regarding the Lord Jesus Christ and God’s requirement for living through him. For some women of faith, this can be a lot of pressure, and she must be prepared and know how to navigate it. Others see this disparity in spiritual maturity as a keen opportunity for discernment. They see it as a way of discerning if the man truly values them and whether he has the loyalty and maturity required for a lifetime commitment.

Many men have made a certain kind of stubbornness a part of what they perceive as masculinity. They have allowed this to govern much of their lives. They will not yield to God and are not humble towards Him. This is a good indicator of whether he has the humility for marriage. A woman should marry a man that is worthy of her submission to him, because God tells us in Ephesians 5:24(NLT), “As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.” Some women balk at this, but it is God’s Word, and it cannot be challenged because God always knows best. Ephesians 5:25(NLT) says, “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” Christ submitted himself fully to us, because he gave his life as a sacrifice for our sins. A husband should submit himself to his wife with this same love, devotion, and willingness to put her welfare above his own.

As women who knows her level of loyalty and devotion to God and is willing to be loyal and devoted totally to your future husband, you should never accept less than what you know yourself willing and able to give. God’s desire is to give you someone that exceeds your capacity, and you should desire this for yourself.

The darkness in the environment in which we’re now living cannot be ignored. People, even someone you love, can flip on you in a second, and this is because of the times in which we’re now in, and because the masses are controlled by the prince of darkness. An imbalance in a potential couple’s allegiance and commitment to God signals that there could be many openings for the adversary to come against their union. We see this happening frequently in modern times. This is one of the reasons that God wants His daughters to be as spiritually strong as they possibly can before they are married, because in many instances, the woman sets the bar for knowledge of the example of Christ and the commitment to follow it. If they are destiny partners, the man will be greatly helped in his relationship with God by his wife.

Listen, no matter how much a person may deny it, we all have an incredible yearning to be loved. Internally, we feel the void, and we are driven to fill it. The reality is that this void comes from being separated from God and separated from His original intention for us to be the perfect image of His Son, Jesus Christ. We have a longing to be loved, loved totally and completely, and in our current state, no human being can fill this void; only God can. However, we should know that God desires us to be married should we desire it. He desires us to be happy and wants this more for us than we could possibly want it for ourselves.

We have to be in a position where we are not expecting the man to fill our cups. He can’t do this, and it was never a part of God’s plan for humans to do this for one another. His plan is for us to love one another through Jesus Christ. This means that you must know what it takes for a man to love you. He must be humble towards God and he must show himself willing to place your welfare above his own. He is to love you as Christ loves the church. No man can be a perfect husband, but if he is pliable to God’s Will, he can love you through Christ in all the ways that aid your spiritual growth and faith in God. This man is to help you grow in Christ as you help him do the same. This is where your heart and mind must be, and you must be prayerful, patient, and dedicated to God to see His plan unfold in this area of your life. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. 

“What It Takes for Him to Love You”, written for Springfield Fellowship © 2022. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.