I’ve known Lexi since I was a child. Growing up, I remembered trying really hard to be her friend, but she was quiet and sort of shy. Some thought her quietness was a cloak for meanness, but I never believed that. Home life for Lexi was tough. Her mother favored her older sister, and this was apparent to everyone. I heard her mother yelling at her on several occasions, and it made me feel so sad. I’d walk to her house after school sometimes, and since she was hardly ever outside, I’d ask her mom if I could come inside to visit Lexi. She was always nice about it, but the tension in their home was palpable, and I knew that once I was inside, I couldn’t stay long. Lexi’s room was spotless, not a peck of anything on the carpet, and everything was neatly in its place. Once I was inside her safe space, I was oddly comfortable, and she’d open up a little. I knew that for a brief while, I had brought her a much-needed reprieve.

Lexi saw and heard things that no child should ever see or hear. Throughout the years, I could sense the silent war with her mother, but Lexi never spoke harshly or out of turn to the woman that had raised and abandoned her emotionally. Even today, by all accounts, she is a dutiful daughter to her aging parents, but the wall between Lexi and her mother is as thick and hard as it ever was. There’s a coldness to their interaction, and I often wonder if the words of forgiveness will ever be spoken by either of them.

Many people live and die with a stony heart. For some, it’s all they’ve ever seen, and they don’t know another way. The truth is that there is very definitely another way. It’s the way of Jesus Christ, and it requires that we have a forgiving heart, so that we can live and abide with our God. Jesus Christ teaches us in Matthew 6:14-15(NLT), “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Jesus Christ makes it clear that forgiveness is required for those that have been forgiven. We often indulge ourselves by holding grudges against those that have wronged us, but God has not given us that right, and our eyes must be open to this.

Lexi was harboring bitterness and a whole lot of sadness in her heart. She never laughs, hardly ever smiles, and finds relationships with men difficult. Nehemiah 8:10(ESV) tells us, “And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” This verse should be an encouragement and serve as motivation for us to release anything that keeps us from rejoicing in God’s joy; but the reality is that many of us are still grieving, and we have been for a long time. It’s deep down in our souls, and it seems to cover everything we touch. The absence of joy in our lives hangs over our heads like a cloud, but we will not give it a name, and some of us will not pray to be released from it. We’re brooding over the joy we missed, and secretly holding bitterness toward the person responsible, when they may lack the capacity entirely to ever be truly sorry for the harm that they’ve caused us.

The Apostle Paul told the church in 2Corinthians 2:10-11(The Message), “Don’t think I’m carrying around a list of personal grudges. The fact is that I’m joining in with your forgiveness, as Christ is with us, guiding us. After all, we don’t want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief—we’re not oblivious to his sly ways!” Carrying resentment in our hearts, refusing to forgive, and being angry about what we’ve lost isn’t hurting the other person. It’s hurting us. It’s corroding us from the inside out. God tells us through Paul not to give the devil that kind of leverage in our lives. Keeping us stuck in neutral, spinning our wheels and not going anywhere is exactly what the enemy wants. We can avoid that trap by clinging to God instead of clinging to our past, and we should be committed to move forward and upward in Christ.

Forgiveness frees us! It frees us from wanting those that have hurt us to receive judgment. Instead, we will pray for them to open their eyes and hearts to the love of Jesus Christ the way that we have. We cannot change the past, and this is a reality we must accept. However, we can change our tomorrows by living in gratitude for God’s forgiveness and the love He has given us. This heart of thankfulness changes us within. We come to realize that forgiveness is not a feeling. It’s not joining the ignorance or hardness of others. It’s changing the way we think about others so that we are free to love and live powerfully and victoriously through Christ.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. 

“You Must Have a Forgiving Heart”, written for Springfield Fellowship © 2023. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.